One Anxious Expert

It felt as if Trinity Lutheran Seminary interns were being launched from campus into parish life like cannonballs.  Thankfully, I did not hear any of them explode on impact while my husband & I landed at the Lutheran church located in Florida more than 1,100 miles from our Ohio home.  The first few weeks began like a dream and I was walking on air as we organized our new home, explored local stores and discovered mouthwatering restaurants.  With anticipation that this would be a great year of growth and learning about parish ministry, I did not expect a grenade to be tossed so soon.

I confess that I am a perfectionist and it is sometimes hard for me to forgive myself for mistakes or errors made at work.  Errors made when computing numbers are easily corrected.  My real difficulty is forgiving myself when conflicts result in my relationships with other people.  While my first month began without issue, the safety pin began to rattle as I approached a new ministry program that church leaders wanted to address.

A significant part of the internship experience is coming up with a ministry project that is created and implemented during the intern’s yearlong assignment.  Several new outreach ministry ideas were presented during my initial orientation and meetings with the pastor and church leaders.  In response, I sent out an e-mail inviting all the interested parties to a meeting to begin discussing a new ministry for families with special needs.  One of the people I invited to the discussion then suddenly dropped off the radar.  They did not respond to my e-mail, did not come to the meeting and began avoiding eye contact at church.  I began to feel a burning inside my gut.  What did I do or say that caused their behavior?  Guilt was moving in as I mulled over my actions and words during the previous two weeks.

Finally, I had a face-to-face opportunity to ask this person about their ideas for this new ministry.  The person asked me to step out of the room and we moved into a private area away from the crowded fellowship hall.  They said they would be glad to talk about the new ministry but due to a family issue, they could not take on a leadership role.

BOOM, the bomb exploded, but it drew no blood except into my flushed face.  How selfish was I to think that I caused this person’s behavior to change?  I was still thinking of myself as newbie, an outsider and temporary employee.   Instead of standing back, watching and speculating for weeks, I could have called or asked how they were and what was happening in their life, family and world.  As I stood before this person I thought, “It is still not too late, I am here, right now, and God can still use me to do something good.”  I asked if we could go to lunch the following day to discuss their ideas for ministry and they accepted.

God may already know that I can “do the project” and what I really need to learn this year is how to “connect” in ministry.  I need to trust and use my instincts to sense pain, frustration, fear and disappointment of others and to act as a pastor.  During internship, we are to learn what it means to be a pastor, to show compassion, to ask gentle, or sometimes, tough questions, to be calm and to offer words of comfort and encouragement.  We must learn to forget ourselves in the analysis until we are identified as the culprit about to step on a landmine.  We must practice being “unanxious experts” and remain as an “unanxious presence” with others.

It would be easy to blame others for my conditioned response in this situation, yet, I am now very aware of the anxious behaviors I exhibited.  When we feel or see someone is in distress or despair, what would God want us to do or, simply, how would we want to be treated?  It was a waste of time to stand back and scrutinize whether I was to blame.  It is better to ask how a person is actually feeling and then provide the appropriate assistance.

Am I afraid or anxious about internship?  Yes, sometimes I am.  This anxiousness caused me to hesitate despite having gone through all the seminary training about being an “unanxious presence.”   Every person can use their authority as a human being to intercede when there is a person in need of a kind hello, a word of encouragement or a prayer for comfort.  I would rather say something to a person who looks distressed than to be silently afraid and anxious.  The phrase “do not be afraid” is used 70 times in the Old and New Testaments.   “Do not fear, for I am with you, do not be afraid, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my victorious right hand. (Isa 41:10 NRS)  Grace abounds in this place and I cannot fail with God’s strength and help.  God is good all the time.  And, all the time, God is good.  This is what I believe.

~Intern Cindy

Murder, Mercy and Works

James 2:8-14

8 If you really keep the royal law found in Scripture, “Love your neighbor as yourself,” you are doing right. 9 But if you show favoritism, you sin and are convicted by the law as lawbreakers. 10 For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it. 11 For he who said, “Do not commit adultery,” also said, “Do not murder.” If you do not commit adultery but do commit murder, you have become a lawbreaker. 12 Speak and act as those who are going to be judged by the law that gives freedom, 13 because judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgment! 14 What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save him?

Murder, mercy, and works are three expressions found in the above text that have captured my attention.  As I begin this internship, my experiences contain some aspect of the three concepts identified in James.  My life narrative has been full of all three things in a variety of spaces and places.  Using these ideas as lenses will help me understand what might happen this year.  I think it is important to note that continuum’s are important.  The concept of mercy is not simply one response, but can be a variety of responses, found on several points of a continuum.  The flexibility that is a result of accepting that one theme can find itself on several points of a continuum is a source of spiritual strength for me.  I can meet people where they are while being descriptive, not judgmental.

The use of murder in this passage invokes thoughts of interpersonal violence.  I don’t connect physical death to this expression in any primary way, although it could be a point on a continuum.  Before physical death occurs, there are many ways that people engage in emotional, psychological, and spiritual murder.  Scott Peck identifies people who do the latter in the book People of the Lie.  I once heard a Christian rap group sing that it is better to kill someone spiritually and not physically because you can kill them over and over again.  The systemic policies and traditions that define our institutions sometimes become weaponized and are used to murder.  I’m less concerned about this than I once was, yet more aware of how often it occurs.

Mercy is interconnected with forgiveness and faith for me.  I can’t forgive if I don’t draw upon mercy because my humanity cries out for revenge.  Mercy helps me to step away from a reactionary response.  Faith in the Word that teaches me that the battle is not mine, it’s the Lord’s, keeps me moving toward the new creation, even when I don’t feel our Lord near.

Works is about restoring God’s creation.  The disordering of creation is recognized and responded to daily.  There are plenty of allies.  I’m connecting with many builders during internship.  I’ll learn how to stay with the anxiety, pain, confusion, joy, hope, and love.  I’m wondering how my choices impact access to the new creation?

~Intern Dale

Extravagant Welcome

#ImAChristainSo by the power of the Holy Spirit I offer an extravagant welcome to all people!  #ImAChristianSo, is a hashtag trending on twitter.  Twitter users begin their tweets with this hashtag and end with a bold public statement of faith.  Admittedly I didn’t arrive at this bold statement of faith all on my own.  Of course I had some help from the Holy Spirit but I also had a wonderful reminder of the extravagant welcome we are called to share during my installation as Intern Pastor.  On September 1 I was installed as Intern Pastor at St. Paul Ev. Lutheran Church in Grosse Pointe Farms, MI.  During the installation service I promised to answer my call to learn and to serve, in various ways, by the help and guidance of God.  The promise that I most readily remember is the promise to “seek to grow in love for those you (I) serve.”  These words warmed my heart as I thought about all of the people in the pews and the love they have already shown me so abundantly.

The most hopeful and meaningful words of the entire Installation service were those which outlined our common mission and call as the Body of Christ.  These words began as Pastor Justin recommitted himself to the congregation and to their shared mission of “reconciliation and extravagant welcome.”  Loving others is only the beginning of our call to serve God for the sake of the world.  Love creates us, calls us, redeems us, sends us, and sustains us, and gives us hope.

Welcome is possible because of this love, God’s abundant and extravagant love.  God’s welcome is far greater than any welcome this world could ever offer.  God’s welcome is EXTRAVAGANT!   According to Dictionary.com extravagant means: #1 spending much more than is necessary or wise; wasteful: #2 excessively high: #3 exceeding the bounds of reason, as actions, demands, opinions, or passions: #4 going beyond what is deserved or justifiable: #5 obsolete; wandering beyond bounds.  Now this sounds like the kind of welcome I would like to receive!  This also sounds like the kind of welcome that I do not deserve…  This  extravagant welcome sounds like grace.

This is a powerful message at a time when many nations borders are surrounded by walls, protected by armed guards, and devastated by miles and miles of barbed wire.  We have become a society of unwelcome.  This week as you feast on the body and blood of Christ so extravagantly given for you I pray you feel deep in your soul the love and grace God has given you and calls you to share.  I pray you feel the extravagant welcome God offers to all people, even undeserving sinners.  I pray the Holy Spirit guides you to show a glimpse of God’s extravagant welcome to someone lost and alone.  #WeAreChristianSo as the Body of Christ together we offer an extravagant welcome for the sake of the world.

~Intern Mary Ann

Making a Difference

It’s Sunday afternoon, this post is due tonight and this is the first sentence. I had a long draft that I had been working on, but in all honesty it was kind of crap. Late last night and all morning I have been thinking on what I was going to write. And then someone came up to me at church and said, “You know, that sermon you gave last week really hit home.” This parishioner explained to me how my sermon affected him and how it helped him and his family. This was even more significant because this particular sermon was about how much of a difference one person can make. I had preached this sermon, but I never thought about how much of a difference I was making.

Growing up, I have seen God through all of the mentors I have had. In every stage of my life there were people there to help me, guide me, challenge me and comfort me. They are the people who shaped who I am today, who illuminated the path before me. However, I never really thought I could be that light for others.

During the aforementioned sermon, I mentioned how I first heard my call to ministry from an army chaplain during my initial entry training. I doubt that person even remembers my name. That person met hundreds of soldiers any given week. Then I thought about what I do now. My internship site has an average weekly attendance of about 350. I engage with about that many on a drill weekend. With that many people, I have any number of interactions that could influence people’s lives. I’m not trying to be vain, everyone does this. Just think of how many people you have interacted with this week.

At first, this sounds a bit stressful. Then I remember that by my own reason or strength I cannot believe in Jesus Christ or go to him, but the Holy Spirit has called me through the Gospel and enlightened me with her gifts. And the Holy Spirit does this not just for me, but for the whole Christian church. And I challenge anyone reading this to stop for a moment and think, “how crazy is this, how wonderful is this?”

So, as you continue down whatever journey you are on, I invite you to pause. Think about all the people who have made a difference in your life or have illuminated the path before you. Think about how wonderful it is that you get the opportunity to make a difference in someone else’s life, that you might be the one who is shining light in the darkness, maybe when you don’t even realize it.  Lastly, pause in thankfulness that God has given all of creation the strength to live together in this beautiful community.  ~Amen

~Intern Adam

(c) 1992-2015 Faithlife / Logos Bible Software. Social media use permission granted.

A Shower, A Belt and That Really Bad Sermon

Intern Kristina

Let’s get “that really bad sermon” segment of the blog out of the way first.  It’s the one that makes you embarrassed to say you’re on your way to becoming clergy and the one that you can’t believe came from your lips.  You wonder whether the Holy Spirit even realized you were on the schedule this week, and it makes you question your sense of call.  This past Sunday, it happened.  I fell flat on my face.  How, you ask?  Well, it all started with a belt and a sense of overconfidence.

On our neat little checklist that Contextual Education sends out, we have things like finding the post office, grocery store and hospital.  So, while I’ve already made pastoral care visits to the larger hospitals, I didn’t bother to find the local urgent care – of course you never need to know that until the last possible second.  Saturday night, however, my husband Nathan and I needed to find one.  While walking through our condo, Nathan stepped on his belt with the buckle latch sticking straight up.  Dealing with puncture wounds was never a topic addressed in our Person in Ministry class, so Saturday night and Sunday morning – the morning I’m expected to preach my first sermon – was spent in the emergency room.

Thankfully, my dear husband will be fine; he’s just hobbling with a boot for now.  Not to blame him, but later that morning I preached that really bad sermon.  Here’s the part where my ego needs deflated: Thinking that the Pentecost 13 epistle reading dealt with the belt of truth and the gospel about the tough teaching of the flesh, I thought I had great sermon fodder before me as I wrestled with the ambiguity of damaged soft tissue and choosing to leave (of course I wanted to leave the ER at 3am!).  I did the stupid and unthinkable – I trashed the sermon I spent the prior week working on for something I thought would be more relevant, recent and edgy and I strutted into the pulpit without manuscript or outline.  Unfortunately, I had failed to account for the lack of sleep and anxiety of preaching in a new place.  The sermon fell apart when I forgot a key linking phrase.

Prince of Peace Lutheran Church

However, the remarkable thing is that the community of Prince of Peace in Dublin is immensely full of grace.  When I first arrived, they held a shower in our honor to stock our pantry.  While they sent us home with many wonderful goodies, the cards, heartwarming memos and prayers were incredible!  These are a people who are not afraid to speak the gospel and share their spirituality, and I’ve been blessed to see this in action outside the church. Their welcome and words of comfort following my sermon fail were true examples of Christian hospitality.

So, lessons learned for the week – 1) your family isn’t a sermon waiting to be preached, 2) don’t leave clothes lying around and 3) God’s grace surely abounds in this place.

Intern Kristina

At the Irish Fair